So, you want to write a memoir, and you are concerned if your family will still love you. I have to ask you one question. If your family loves you, why are you writing a memoir? That book has already been written. It’s called The Waltons.

For my friend Kathie Giorgio who does not like misinformation said about The Waltons, especially by a tour guide, I will correct myself. The Waltons is the name of the TV show, and Spencer’s Mountain is the book that inspired it.

If your memoir is going to be about how much you love your family and how much they love you back, your book is missing a few important things, mainly conflict.

Conflict and resolution are the backbones of any good story, and without them, you don’t have a story but instead a spineless blob of words.

For the past five years, I have been writing my memoir. I feel it is a story that I must tell, and that’s the motivation for me to write. However, going through with publishing is a different idea. The thought of people, and family members, reading what I think and believe about them has been a source of frustration while writing. I continue forward with the task of finishing my book and put the fears of publishing and exposing myself on the back burner for now.

Several months ago, my wife and mother were watching an episode of Mike and Molly. Standing in the kitchen, I heard something profound and ran into the living room. I said, “That’s it. That’s it,” and grabbed the remote control to record the episode. A box popped up on the screen and said the episode couldn’t be recorded because it was already completed. Through repeated pauses by my wife and mother, the TV feed was an hour behind schedule, and the episode was over. Thus, the DVR box couldn’t record it.

Frantically, I searched the internet to find that episode and what was said. Fortunately, I found the information I sought.

Molly (Melissa McCarthy) is talking with her favorite author, J. C. Small (Susan Sarandon), about the writing process. Molly shows J.C her manuscript, and her writing idol hates it. J.C. tells her to write something real about her “pathic life” and family and bring it back with some bottles of vodka.

Molly returns sometime later with a new manuscript detailing her life and living with her family.

Molly: God, it was awful. My whole family hates me. 

J. C.: Mm. Congratulations. That’s the first step in becoming a real writer. I haven’t talked to my family in four books. 

Molly: Oh, God, that’s so sad. 

J. C.: Mm. No, it’s much better to be loved by millions of readers than six people who happened to fall out of the same vagina. 

Molly: Big family? 

J. C.: Big vagina. 

Molly: Yeah, I just, you know, the thing is I, I kind of love my family. 

J. C.: I thought you wanted to be a writer? 

So, according to J. C., to be a good writer, and in my case, a memoir, my family needs to hate me. That was what I was thinking at the time.

I considered my parents as DNA providers and not parents. I also more specifically considered the woman who gave birth to me as a host womb or the place I lived before I was born.

I know many will find my words harsh, but those are my true feelings, and I’m too old to deny them. I have a story, and it’s my truth.

My male DNA provider is dead, and the female one is 87. I don’t care what she thinks of me. When raised in a highly dysfunctional family, this is the outcome.

My largest concern and obstacle was writing something negative about my wife. I already informed her that I was writing a memoir and there would be negative things about her and our marriage. She said since it happened in the past, she didn’t care. What was important is focusing on our future.

The most difficult part was knowing my daughter will be able to see the negative things I wrote about her mother. I came to realize there is some information that a reader will need to know, so they can understand the story.

If I want my book to be successful, I need to give out some details. Everything I wrote about my wife, our grown daughter, already knows. She was there for most of it and lived through it. Nothing will surprise or shock her.

So, my daughter’s thoughts and opinions are all that matter to me, and if I have resolved that issue within me, I am ready to go forward and publish my memoir when I complete it, which will be soon.

More to come…

Mike and Molly: “Careful What You Dig For,” Season 4: Episode 4, Nov. 25, 2013