Recently, I won First Place for a piece of writing. At the awards ceremony, I took a selfie and posted it on Facebook. A Facebook friend replied to my picture with one word, “smile.”
I realized I wasn’t smiling.
Again, I found myself in a situation in life where I should be happy and smiling, and I wasn’t.
Emotionless, expressionless, without change; That’s my face.
I’m not going to post my selfie. It’s too painful to look at now with this knowledge.
Without my desire or effort, my deadpan face has become my trademark. I can’t escape it.
Perhaps I should put my deadpan face to some good use and learn how to play poker.
Deadpan Face Defined
A “deadpan face” in people with anhedonia is clinically known as a flat affect or emotional blunting, where there are minimal or absent facial expressions and lack of shifts in speech tone.
Anhedonia and Facial Expression
Anhedonia is the reduced ability or inability to experience pleasure or enjoyment in activities that were once rewarding, such as socializing, hobbies, or physical sensations.
- Symptom of Anhedonia: A lack of typical emotional responses, including smiling or laughing at appropriate times, is a key sign of anhedonia.
- Emotional Numbness: People with anhedonia often report feeling “emotionally flat,” numb, or disconnected from their feelings.
In my case, the emotions never developed.
This all goes back to childhood.
I have never known a time when I wasn’t depressed.
What is happiness? Is it a state of not being depressed?
FIRST PLACE – The Writings of AjTony Perkins
Anhedonia: I Knew Something Was Wrong – The Writings of AjTony Perkins
The Anhedonic according to David Foster Wallace – The Writings of AjTony Perkins
What Is a Poker Face? Guide to Facial Tells | CoinPoker
The Meaning Behind the Phrase “Poker Face”
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