Gary Crosby was the eldest of Bing Crosby’s seven children. Bing, the actor and singer, who was made famous for his recording of “White Christmas” still has fans worldwide.

Several years after his father’s death, Gary wrote a memoir of his childhood. The book’s title, Going My Own Way, is a play on the words of one of Bing’s most popular films, Going My Way. In that film, Bing played a lovable Catholic priest.

Gary is often remembered for his reoccurring role as officer Ed Wells in the 1960s TV series Adam 12. In addition to acting, he sang solo and also performed with three of his brothers in a nightclub routine.

Bing was married twice and there was an age gap between his wives. This created a range of ages with his children. Gary was over 20 years older than his youngest sibling.

Gary’s Mommie Dearest style memoir is filled with Gary’s account of physical and emotional abuse by his father, marked with whippings with a leather belt on his bare buttocks until blood was drawn.

Bing emotionally abused Gary with public insults and humiliation regarding his weight. This happened in front of friends, family, and guests. Bing enforced regular weigh-ins for Gary and inflicted physical punishment if he didn’t lose weight.

Bing cheated on his first wife, Dixie Lee, who bore him four sons. Bing wasn’t all that secret about his affair with actress Joan Caulfield. His friends knew about his adultery, and Gary overheard them talking about it.

Bing’s cheating didn’t end there. He had affairs with several women while married to both wives. Bing blamed his first marriage problems on Dixie’s drinking. He asked the Catholic Church for a divorce but was not granted one. His priest stated that since Bing played a loveable priest in his movies, it wouldn’t be a good image for the church to grant him a divorce.

Years later, after Dixie died of cancer, Bing married Kathryn Grant and had three children with her.

The thing about Gary’s memoir that interests me the most is the reaction of his six siblings. Although I can relate to very similar physical and emotional abuse I endured from my father, I find the reaction of Gary’s siblings intriguing.

Here are their responses, including Bing’s brother, with some parts paraphrased:

• He was a “disciplinarian.” Our parents brought us up that same way.-Bob Crosby, Bing’s brother

• I am trying to remember “all the good things I did with my dad and forget the times that were rough”-Gary’s brother Lindsay

• “My dad was not the monster my lying brother said he was, He was strict, but my father never beat us black and blue…” “We never got an extra whack or a cuff we didn’t deserve.” “Gary is a whining bitching crybaby…” “My dad was my hero. I loved him very much. And he loved all of us too, including Gary. He was a great father.”-Gary’s brother Phillip

• Gary exaggerated to make some money.-Gary’s sister Mary

A vast range of reactions can be seen in the comments: sanitation–calling abuse discipline, victims taking the blame, blaming the victim, excusing the abuser because of their own childhood, the accusation of lies, as-well-as total denial. Some of Gary’s siblings failed to comment.

Since there was a wide age difference between Gary and his youngest sibling, those two had entirely different experiences and memories. Bing was 30 years older than his second wife, and in essence, he had two different families.

Gary and his brothers, Dennis, Lindsay, and Phillip were closer in age but lived different relationships with their father. Phillip was Bing’s favorite, as can be seen in his comments about his father. The other older Crosby brothers, along with Gary, were sent away to boarding school while favorite son Phillip lived at home.

So, even siblings that are close in age can live different experiences. My brother and I are only three years apart and were treated differently. Our mentally ill mother can only show two emotions, love and hate, and with her, it is more severely manifested as obsession and detestation. She was obsessed with my younger brother and still is. She has never said anything wrong about him, except for one comment about his nursing as a baby, which she excuses, rightfully so, for his age at the time.

I, on the other hand, was treated with hatred. People would say to Mother, “Why do you treat your sons so differently,” to which she would respond, “Because they are different,” and then giggle. If away from the family when this happened, she would come home and recount the story giggling even more and stating how stupid people were for asking that question.

My father’s hatred towards me and love for everything about my brother, whom he loved but wasn’t obsessed with like Mother, is another story to be told at another time if told at all.

So, even siblings can have vastly different stories. I, also the eldest, and Gary both took the brunt of our fathers’ wrath. Even Gary’s brother Dennis admitted this. “(Gary) got the first licking, and we got the second,”

What I find important and my takeaway from Gary’s memoir and life is that I have my story, and it is my truth. My brother has his story and his truth, which is different. I am not going to allow anyone to take away my truth by calling it a lie. A cousin has already attempted that with me.

Although Lindsay tried to deflect and forget his father’s abuse, he did acknowledge Gary’s story and memoir. “It was something Gary had to do,” Lindsay remarked.

I, too, feel that writing my memoir is something I must do. As frustrating and agonizing as it is, going back and reliving the past and revisiting the pain, I continue forward, knowing that something inside of me is telling me to continue with my writing. I know I will feel a sense of completion when I am finished, complete whether anyone reads my book or not.

I place importance on believing Gary’s story. Gary’s mother, Dixie, was an alcoholic, and two of his brothers, Dennis and Phillip, committed suicide. Most of Gary’s siblings suffered from alcohol and emotional problems, multiple broken marriages, and found difficulty maintaining steady employment. Bing was not a great father.

In the end, I will give Gary the last word. He was playing tennis at a club, and a woman told him his father died in Spain. Gary paused for a moment. “I thought, ‘Am I supposed to act like I loved him all my life?’” Gary then returned to playing tennis.

http://stevenlewis.info/crosby/bingboys.htm