In the 1981 cult classic film Mommie Dearest, Joan Crawford is portrayed as a terrible and abusive mother. I know the pain of growing up with a toxic mother and have difficulty talking about the hurt she caused. Writing a large work, like an autobiography, would retraumatize me. That’s why I write about my childhood traumas in small pieces or posts. My mother was terrible, and I have learned it is ok for any child to hate a terrible mother.

When I tell people that I will be glad when my mother is gone, as in dead, they quickly correct me. I am told that I shouldn’t talk badly about my mother and I will miss her someday.

Nothing could be farther from the truth. I will be relieved when I am freed from my mother. That doesn’t make me a terrible person or a terrible son. She was/still is a terrible mother.

Do not judge a child who hates their mother.

It is ok to hate a terrible mother.

Joan Crawford and Daughter Christina

The film Mommie Dearest is based on the memoir of the same name by Christina, the adopted daughter of the actress Joan Crawford.

The abuse shown in the film has become legendary, and many scenes are part of modern culture, often written about and even parodied.

The publicity departments in the Golden Age of Hollywood worked overtime to cover all the stars’ negative behavior and make them look squeaky clean, Joan Crawford was no exception.

There was no mention in the press that Joan Crawford was anything but a kind, loving mother who adopted homeless orphan children.

When Christina wrote her memoir, it was the first mention of the abuse Joan inflicted on her children.

In retrospect, some Hollywood stars mentioned Joan’s “strict parenting,” but many others claimed otherwise.

In Her Daughter’s Footsteps

Begging for Work

A year before appearing on The Secret Storm, Joan begged Lucille Ball to guest star on her show. Crawford was a long-time friend of The Lucy Show’s director who pleaded Crawford’s case.

Things did not go well for the faded Hollywood star. She showed up drunk at rehearsals, and Ball caught Crawford drinking a bottle of vodka from her purse.

Ball, the executive producer of her show, fired Crawford. However, she gave Crawford a second chance upon the insistence of the director, and Crawford was able to finish filming.

Irrational Obsessive Behavior

Certainly, writing the book was reliving it to a great extent. There were many days when I sat at the typewriter and cried.

Christina Crawford on The Mike Douglas Show

First of all… I wrote it for myself and my family. It was like a diary, memoir, that kind of thing. I never really knew it was going to be published.

Christina Crawford in a Larry King interview

Reaction to the Film

One of the criticisms Siskel and Ebert had for the 1981 film is that it is too shallow. It shows one scene of abuse after another. It never gives depth to the character of Joan Crawford and doesn’t try to give any explanation for her behavior toward her child and her motivation to inflict abuse. Crawford is portrayed as being mean and sometimes evil, but no reason is suggested for this behavior.

I can understand not knowing the motivation for a mother mistreating her child. Therapists often asked me why my mother treated me with terrible abuse. I would always answer that I didn’t know. Finally, I had to answer that she was crazy. She was mentally ill. That is the only answer. How else could a mother treat a child that way?

My mother had/has her own compulsions that drove her to near madness, although cleaning wasn’t one of them. One obsession, in particular, triggered her hatred of me and men in general.

I was a disappointment to my mother the day I was born. My memoir explains this more.

Stills from the Film, Mommie Dearest

Mommie Dearest (1981) – IMDb